Shall I or Shan't I ? The big dilemma

We have been dreaming of cruising for as long as I can remember. In fact when we met in the early 2000's I started a GOAL scrapbook. It had pictures in it of catamarans moored in the most idyllic bays around the world. It was there to inspire me to work hard, achieve my career ambitions and then just maybe I could reach this dream.

Time does get the better of you though. Before I knew it 20 years had passed, the 3 children all now adults and me still chasing that illusive career goal.

Some other things also started happening. My dear brother passed away with cancer, only 49. Two dear friends died also in their 40's and early 50's suddenly with heart disease and accidently on the operating table for a routine shoulder operation and another with heart failure, followed by a transplant all before the age of 60.

Also, unlike many other goals the dream to own a boat and cruise never waned. The career aspiration did though. While I had achieved much with 14 years of global business experience the desire to chase the "big job" took on a different lens. What am I really chasing? How long will my health last when I have so much more to else that I love doing to achieve, see and do.

Even when I actually agreed with my husband to "lets do this" what a huge internal battle it has actually been to make that leap. Years and years of expectations, goals of where I thought I should be, THE MONEY, what others will think, THE MONEY, will I enjoy it, THE MONEY.....I finally settled on, " its a sabatical", I need "some time out of corporate life" . It makes me feel like I have an out, a chance to go back to the standard path.